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I’m a thinker. and your mind can be your worse weapon at times. 

today i opened up to my mate. it was surreal, because i had no idea of what i was doing. i don’t know what happened, or what came over me. but i just broke down. on the phone. im am so grateful that it wasn’t in person. but if it was, i don’t think i would have been able to control myself.

i very very rarely open up to people like that. i haven’t done so in the past 2/3 years. 

to be blunt, it felt good. i have been feeling very emotional lately, i guess with everything thats been going on in the last few months it all just built up and now it just broke down. 

i’m appreciative of it all but i at times, well most of the times wish people didn’t know what i was feeling or going through. she said i was scaring her when i was saying something, she was right. but that wasn’t what i told her isn’t what has the most impact on my life.

i don’t know what came over me. but it happened. it’s different opening up to a person that you know, whereas on here. it’s different. you don’t know who’s reading (if there is anyone read) and they don’t know who’s typing their mind and heart out. aha.. writing that just made it real i suppose. 

technology is amazing.  

i honestly dont get why i bother coming home on the weekends. so i come down for work but like they are so annoying. like how are they all of a sudden going to be like oh yeah you can’t work al these hours, only what you’re contracted. okay so fair enough on the last point. but over the summer i was working well over what i was contracted. thats what i don’t get. the time i need to money to survive is when i am not able to!. 

i don’t understand why i stay longer than i have to at home. like i really don’t like it. it’s just constant shouting, arguing and doing nothing. i keep my self to my self. i don’t even say much about how my life at university is. parents ask me how it is, my reply every time is “yeah, it’s good” i prefer it at university. i’m away from everything. no family, it sounds really messed up when i type this but i prefer it that way. away from it all. thing is i don’t really miss them. and that’s just so messed up. i know. 

i don’t know. it’s completely different, but i’m comfortable with it. i thought i would have been home sick but i’m not. guess because i’ve been down every weekend.